We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
