1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
