He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize