So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
