Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
