So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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