I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
