He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
