Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
