Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
