i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to have your abortion
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
