I'm eating all of the evidence.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
this hospital has no fireball
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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