if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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