Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
