No stitches, just platelets and will power
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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