I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
