Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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