chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
