I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
