this beer tastes like vomit already
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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