I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
