is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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