he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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