i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
