When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
