belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
