So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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