i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize