Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
