He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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