Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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