I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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