i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Are we still banned from the library?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
