barbara walters just said penis...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
