just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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