I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
