Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
