I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
