Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize