Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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