Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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