a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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