Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
