Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize