Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
