So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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