It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
