it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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