I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
