well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize