I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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