Just cropdusted the office
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize