What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
