I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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