Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize