eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
