I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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