Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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