you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it's like iHOP with fire
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
