the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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