Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize