i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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