Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Where is the hickey?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize