Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
